I don’t have certainty. So any which way would be fine. And even when I do choose a choice, I experience opposing perspectives simultaneously as to why I want the other choice. Every time. It used to be painful, when I assumed wrongness. Now I assume neutrality, and that any one perspective is about usefulness, not right or wrongness. The whole point is to experience all the perspectives and integrate them to come to continually more holistic and useful perspectives that encompass all the other perspectives, painting a progressively clearer picture of what I most purely want.
I’m constantly collecting, comparing, and integrating multiple perspectives, so that in any one moment, there are a variety of choices I could make, ways to go, views to see, identities to be, contexts to hold, nuances of assumption and perception to see through. How to choose?
I get to a place where it doesn’t matter what I choose. I’ve tried everything, and either way could work. And everything that doesn’t work is integrated too. So now I have a variety of options that are most useful and relevant to choose between. And through trial and error, I’m weeding out the options that are less so. I’m exponentially accumulating more holistic and useful perspectives/options/contexts/forms/places/people/assumptions to what I want.
If only I could stick with one and be done. But my nature cycles through a variety of ways to see/be/do in any one moment, day, and week, so that I’m a different reality from moment to moment, day to day, continually discerning what I want through contrast. I drop in and out of entirely different universes constantly. With no reference points, nothing of constant to hold other than empty/full awareness itself, I absorb totally into whatever reality (context, activity, relationship, identity, state of being, orientation of awareness, focus) I choose. And I can’t stop in any one choice and be done. I am only clear in what I want in moving through context, not in sitting in them. I am not any one choice, I am the accumulation/integration of them. And so I must keep moving in order to integrate and find myself. Sitting still is not an option (contextually speaking… physically is ok now that I can go beyond the physical realm.) Tiring of contexts fast, I continually cycle through to new contexts, exponentially expanding to a more integrated perspective of myself.
All of a sudden, I am the point of any one choice. Not the choice itself. The point is that I choose, I am empowered, at peace, I am expanding new frontiers, and am in alignment with myself. If a choice leads me to this, then I have the point.