A wave of sadness came over me as I didn’t make the call this morning and I’m not in the group.
I experienced beliefs that felt bad.
That I’m not good enough to be on the call. That I’m too imbalanced and deluded. That I’m not at benthinos level. That I feel left out and not good enough and what if they can all see it too? Because I’m dispointed I didn’t make the group, then I missed the call, and I’m disappointed that I’m disappointed and I’m not more enlightened than this. I’m not at a benthinos level yet.
So many beliefs coming up that feel scary and bad.
And I immediately realized but hey… I’m the same God trying to learn and know itself as anyone else in NLS or even Benthino himself. I can be aware of all my not up to parness and include it. That’s God too! It’s all God purifying and knowing itself!!
A wave of peace and relief and profound love for all my delusion came over me that took the edge off. Finally… I am aware of my beliefs and triggers with the nst thing. It is not what I am in and of itself… I am what is purifying it. And I am worthy as can fucking be as much as any other being and also Benthino. This is not a comparison anyhow stop comparing. We are all the same one worthiness of infinite magnitude. I am included! All of me is!! Now we can get to work with humility and courage to be vulnerable.