I asked the question, why do I feel disconnected and lack of what I desire in the emptiness?
I realized I was assuming contrast/different (ie empty/full) equaled not me (lack), rather than contrast equals me (abundance).
I was fixating on the different of empty/full, rather than recognizing the similar of empty/full.
When I rest in subtle background essence where the empty is full and the full is empty
I perceive how everything is similar
Rather than different
The differences dissolve into one essence,
And I no longer assume lack.
I see the empty in the full, the full in the empty
And perceive from all is similar
Rather than different
But not exactly the same, minus the background.
When I no longer lack because all is similar
Assumptions of lack and wrong and the strategies to compensate fall away
I am left with nuance of similarities that are not quite the same
Leading me toward more of the same.
To feel even more not quite sameness=more near sameness
And more of all myself and all I desire.
It’s more subtle, less gross.
Less story, ideas, assumptions, logic, conclusions, solidity, black and white.
More all possible, transparent, superpower of tiny refined nuances aligning/activating all potential reality.
If applied…it rewires my entire operating system and how I navigate reality. Almost entirely.
So many gross assumptions, compensations, behaviors…that all came from too much overt assumption of different and the compensations accordingly. Once everything is similar, I’m moving from subtle almost same to subtle almost same…baby steps circling the center of non-existent absolute same, and I wake up out of delusion after delusion coming from assumed different, until I’m like now why the heck was I doing all that before when all of this is so similar? What is there to run from and what is there to get? It’s much easier to rest in myself all the time, with less losing of reality, lack, and confusion.
What’s left is the fullness of what I desire, the emptiness to streamline its reality (no excuses), and the similarities to refine my path.
I recognize my assumption of lack/block in the contrast. I practice recognizing the similar and relaxing into almost same (absolute).
Example: I fear not dancing every night. But wait, how is a moment of dance different than a moment of soccer? A moment at home? So similar, and almost same, it pops the belief that I need to dance to be OK.
My experince used to be long empty. Then long full. And I associated this difference with disorientedness/disconnect. But now that I can see through the emptiness to the fullness and the fullness to the emptiness… It’s like a quick flicker full empty that almost makes it feel the same. And then I always have myself.
Versus before if felt so different. I kept losing myself.
But now it’s more stable.
What is confusion? What is losing myself?!
Confusion is not seeing the emptiness in the fullness.
Or the fullness in the emptiness.
A common example is I get carried away by concepts (fullness) and lose the emptiness.
Or I getting carried away by emptiness (seeming connection loss I associate with formlessness) and losing the fullness.
To see both… Is to be in reality. And not to lose yourself in any one moment.
To keep both eyes open…
Is to see both the empty and the full, and flicker between the two until more so it is simultaneous naturally.
It actually does it by itself quite naturally. I get too full… The emptiness kicks In And vis versa. This whole time it’s been fluctuating like this and I’ve been thinking something is wrong. When I relax into it, it is actually balancing me out, that otherwise I’d be too empty or too full. But whether empty or full, I can see through to the other aspect.
I am in every single fucking moment. Every one. It’s all so similar. Nearly the same.
All I’m ever doing is piecing together the similarities so I can more clearly see the emptiness and the fullness and bring them closer to being simultaneous.
The emptiness is profoundly beautiful because it has infinite capacity for fullness that never gets stuck/blocked/attached/blown out. So much emptiness=so much fullness.
With each beautiful moment of full it drops back into a moment of empty. It’s an exquisite transparency that is the epitome of infinite potential and indestructibility.
Why would I ever lose myself though?
Isn’t myself always the point?
Exactly. To lose myself is to lose the point. There is nothing else real.
So why would I ever want something that I lose myself/balance of reality in the process?
Lack of wisdom.
Wisdom= long term insight.
In wisdom I can see something through to the end of either having or losing the point.
Foolishness does not have long term insight and seeks for self in short term actions that haven’t been seen through to loss of point in the end.
Wisdom can discern subtley of intention from self and other selves, and how it all plays out, to discern if an action will lead to the point in the long term…or not…
Why do I desire to share?
Why do I lose the point sometimes in the sharing?
It is relevant to share sometimes and others it’s not.
Sometimes sharing too soon disrupts my application and other times it helps sink it in. When a share is precisely authentically undoubtedly relevant and thought-through completed and the case that drops me into empty fullness… I experince no backlash. (for the most part, plenty of exceptions too. ) There are varying perceptions that add or subtract to my ability to drop in purely. It is case by case, moment by moment, and never a one size fits all algorithm. As with everything…
If I can ask myself why to the point for any action… Then it is more clear where it will end… In more of myself or not?
If I can prioritize the point above any seconds, the infinite degree of nuance to navigate becomes clear.
This is in alignment. This is not.
What a subtle art… The truth…
More wisdom=increased transparency to the point, even through thick illusive layers of space time and other.