That video! He’s putting words to my beyondness symptom!
“Go into the fundamental ground so completely everything else disapears. The world, your. Body… “… He’s describing the problem I’ve been having for the last six months and a regular state I operate from.
I beg to differ when he says “it’s not like ur gonna do ur job in nirmacolpa samadhi” I have no choice but to. I’ve done an entire wedding shoot going in and out of the world/everything dissolving away, with no sense perception, only non-existant/non-feeling/ subtle intution to guide what shots to get. Then I take a break in the bathroom and allow the absorption to drop me out of existence utterly, like dropping into a deep dream state, minus any dream happening. More like total disappearance of reality.
My natural state of being moment to moment day by day is a state of absorption. Naturally I have no regular sense of time or sense of self. The TV plays… Then that is all that exists. I’m in a moment, I drop so deep into it I struggle seeing beyond it or transitioning out of it. I am it. I have no reference points easily and can drop straight to the point.
I thought this is everyone’s experience?
This is also the number one cause of my trauma pattern. I’m dropping into a state of absorption and yet have to go be in the world… When I’m being pulled into a state without the world… And that’s why I say it feels like nails on chalkboard.Being ripped from the absorption feels like drinking melted chocolate to then have to chew on cardboard.
And yet… The kinds of bliss I get in these absorption states… I want it more than anything else. Even chocolate or sex.
It’s this altered state of consiousness where I can completely Absorb into connecting with myself, reflecting myself, Insighting myself, fully utterly sourced blissed out. That has me looking back at my prior moments of fearing loss of connection alone and scratching my head…
The teacher in the video says you can’t control states of absorption they’ll just Dawn on you. But I wonder are you sure? What if I could consciously enter in and out of them at will.
It would pretty much cure me of my trauma of having to leave the state and the fear of not getting back to it. Because it feels so bad, it must be possibly to leave and enter whenever I please. To some degree.
If I can enter into a state of absorption at will, into a creative flow, into happening whatever momentum I desire…
Then…
It’s no big deal to leave one moment for another.
And I trust my ability to happen them. To source them as I desire.
=profound freedom to prioritize importance and cut out the fat.
That I sense its all here in the subtle… The potential is one hundred percent always present… So its only a matter of being clear what I desire. Clarity of desire activates it.
Of course I can activate it… If it’s what I truly desire… And if not. Then it’s not what I truly desire.