Essentially, I’m experiencing the same issues I’ve always had: I don’t feel seen, I don’t feel heard, and I don’t feel that he truly understands my points. Instead of addressing me directly, he often talks about unrelated topics, other people, or generalizations that don’t connect with my concerns. This leaves me feeling misunderstood, unseen, and unheard. I’ve worked hard to communicate my points, but the conversations he brings up are often irrelevant and repetitive. I can’t tolerate the unrelated discussions about Bree anymore, and I’m still confused as to why he keeps bringing them up—they just don’t resonate with me.
Even the issues related to my behavior and how we interact could be clarified with proper communication. However, instead of sharing his concerns, he seems to judge me without giving us the chance to address things together, which feels unfair and unsafe.
I’ve found myself constantly wondering what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, and what I mean to him. It’s been difficult to discern his thoughts and emotions, and even when I try to pull them out, it doesn’t feel like they come from a safe place.
This situation has made me question the sense of freshness and resonance I feel with him, despite everything else that doesn’t make sense. I wonder if there’s something deeper within that freshness and resonance that I need to pay attention to, beyond just following what feels fresh and resonant at the moment.
I recall hugging Carlos goodbye and feeling good about it, but I also had a discernment beyond the feeling that I couldn’t engage with him. So, what is my discernment of Bryan beyond the feeling of resonance with him? What do all these experiences add up to in terms of my discernment about him?
It’s clear that there’s a significant communication barrier between us, and we’re not connecting in a way that we truly understand each other. Improving our communication would take a lot of work and possibly therapy, if it’s even possible. As it stands, the communication doesn’t feel safe enough for an intimate romance, because I don’t feel that he truly understands my triggers, feelings, thoughts, or experiences.
My discernment is that, first and foremost, there’s a communication barrier. Second, he’s stuck in a dysfunctional relationship that he needs to resolve on his own—it’s not my journey, and it’s not where I’m at in my life. Third, I’m very clear that I can’t engage with him sexually while he’s still involved with Bree. I don’t want to have feelings for him if he’s still engaging with her; it feels like nonsense. Even if he were free of Bree, would it be safe to engage with him in that way given our current communication issues?
Is it possible to categorize him fully as a friend and constantly remember the communication barrier and the difference in where we are in our life journeys? Can I engage with him sexually while keeping him in the friend category without developing deeper feelings that would require more nuanced communication? Or, if I do develop those feelings, can I process them on my own because we don’t have the communication or shared understanding to process them together? Is it possible to bring our communication and shared understanding up to speed? That seems like a significant barrier, and I’m not here to change people or expect them to change.
So, the options seem clear: with the communication issues and Bree still in the picture, there is no sexual interaction under any circumstances. I don’t want to engage sexually with him if he’s still involved with Bree—I don’t want to support that or be connected to it in any way. But let’s say he was free of her; even then, could I have an intimate sexual relationship with him while considering him a friend and not going to those deeper emotional places? Or should I engage in those deeper feelings, knowing that he doesn’t fully get me? That might be okay if it’s just a pure energetic exchange that resonates in the moment. But for a consistent, long-term relationship where I’m having these feelings and intimate encounters, could I do that with the communication barrier as it is, where I don’t feel understood and my feelings aren’t truly heard?
If I want a long-term, sustainable romance, I need a relationship where we can communicate, have a shared understanding of life, ourselves, and each other. Even if we have different perspectives, we should be able to find common ground and communicate thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a way that not only makes me feel heard but also allows us to expand on our connection. As it stands, Bryan doesn’t provide that, which is my discernment of him. I’m thankful for his feedback on what’s off in me, and I do desire a partnership where I can improve and refine those nuances together. However, I want a partner who can communicate with me, work with me, and not judge or discard me because of it.
It’s not so much about what’s off with me and him rejecting me—those are small but important things that could be clarified if the desire, resonance, and connection were there, and we could communicate. But he doesn’t see enough of himself in me or me in him for there to be enough resonance, at least from what I can tell at the moment.
If I just let things be as they are, we could be friends, and I could enjoy the sweet spot with him, but I also have to remember the reality of the situation. He has a good heart, but so do many people. I want more than that—I don’t want to settle for people like Carlos, Phillip, or Dennis. I’m clear on what I want, and I continue to refine and up-level my desires. I want a relationship where we can communicate, grow, and find a resonant edge together. I want to learn from my partner, work with them, and be exposed in ways that are vulnerable and constructive, without judgment.
Bryan isn’t an unhealthy person, but my discernment of him is that we’re not super compatible or connected for a real romance or relationship. But what do I really know? This is just my discernment based on my experiences so far.
It feels better when my points land, when he addresses me directly, and when our conversations resonate and are about something we’re both learning. It feels better when he brings up what’s off, and we can talk about it constructively. It feels better when his conversation topics are relevant to me and mine to him, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.
However, the city resonated, the room resonated, cuddling with him resonated, holding him resonated, the kitchen resonated, the house resonated—so much of the experience felt fresh and resonant. But there are discernments with Bryan that are off, which is why I get confused about the difference. Sometimes I wonder if something fresh and resonant might not actually be accurate. As far as I can tell, freshness is the way, but what about the example with the car, where it felt discerning to park it at Alexander’s but fresh to park it with friends? It’s a perfect example of what I’m facing with Bryan. It feels fresh to stay with him, but is it discerning? Am I setting myself up for something I don’t desire in a relationship? Should I be spending my energy on something that is more fully aligned with what I truly want?
This really brings up the question of freshness versus discernment, and fine-tuning that inner knowing. Even with Carlos, it took quite a bit of discernment. And with Phillip, it was all discernment, and none of the feelings matched the discernment until eventually, they did. I remember making a video about how my feelings didn’t match the discernment until they eventually aligned, but there was always a knowing beyond the surface.
I’m recognizing my tendency to need space to process, and when I wake up in an absorbed state, I need to immediately recognize it and cancel plans. I remember that feeling when something is in the way, and what I need to do when that happens. Almost by default, I want to cancel plans, and nine times out of ten, I think that would really help me clarify myself.
Honestly, it is what it is—he has this level of connection with me as far as communication, and he’s dealing with Bree. I’m aware of all these things, and I’m not so much romantically interested as things stand—it’s just the truth.
But the point is, maybe things will open up, but what’s most important is that I remember this discernment: I don’t feel heard, I don’t feel seen, our communication isn’t really happening, and he’s still hanging on to this thing with Bree. When he does talk to me, he often brings up weird relationship topics that don’t resonate with me, text me about things unrelated to my point—these are things that keep happening that are important for me to keep in mind.
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