I lay in bed all night never so desirous in my entire life. The imprisonment of unrealized desire, an experince I missed because I over thought it, tortures me awake. A union that could have been… I feel the aching potential gratification in my heart and body.
I doubted a perfect flow of desire. I was on a effortless path to what I wanted, and a feelingless thought knocked me out of its trajectory.
Why did I doubt myself? Why did I lose faith in what I desire?
Because following my pure desire the nights before led me unto an unpleasant experinces. I lost faith in what feels true and my mind came back in to try and control what I do.
I spent the entire next morning trying to figure out how could I have gone wrong… I followed every nuance of Frequncy to each thought and percpetion to the pure inspiration of source beyond all story. It led me to the pilot, and then to the studio guy. So why did it not feel that great? I dissected and deconstructed and tried to understand… and then it dawned on me. It was perfect! Suboptimal experiences are included in the clarification process.
It was through experiencing the nuances of what I don’t want that I clarified more precisely what I do want.
Because the very next night I’m in my flow, I find sexy bachata guy falling into my lap. Connection is beautiful and my whole being lights up when he touches me. I notice all my reality light on fire as I follow him to his car and spend the night chatting. Effortlessly he invites me over, and there is not a single thought or feeling I can find to tell me no. Everything that feels good is pouring in his direction, back to his home.
But I don’t go. I remember all the ideas I planted in my head about not going over to guys houses anymore, all my bad experiences I’ve had last few days… Etc etc… the Pilot and studio guy were no good. And I went off the ideas and logic and judgements and feelingless fearful thoughts to go home.
If I was true to the moment before thr conclusions my mind has drawn, it was more than obvious effortless and natural to go over to bachata guy tonight and bask in all the desire I’ve been clarifying. Instead I acted off of something outside the moment that had zero resonance in the moment.
… a feelingless thought to go home rather than trust what actually felt true. I lost faith in myself because of the suboptimal experiences, But now I realize it was all part of the path to what I want.
So to have faith in myself despite unpreferred experince, and continue to follow what feels true, is essential to the realization of desire.
Do not succumb to empty logic, confusing, doubtful thinking, figuring out, and acting off of feelingless, disconnected thoughts.
Rather Notice How all the thoughts and potential directions feel. Go before it all to the frequency and your most essential feeling of connection. How does that thought feel? How does going here feel? How does going home feel? Align to what feels true, before any story, including the feeling of the story, and all is given unto you in perfect timing: dream job, perfect lover, and epic expansion.
It’s always what feels true, and if there’s no resonance, it is not relevant.
The main point here, especially as I’m still awake at 8am frustrated, is do not lose faith when you seemingly don’t get what you want. Include every single nuance of experience to the clarification of desire. Even my losing faith and not getting laid, is included to help me clarify desire going forward. So that next time I recognize what is true and have conviction in that beyond ideas, and finally have wonderful sex.
Including is the noticing of how it feels, until it is clarified and again i am perfectly at peace. Because now I see all that occurred is perfect in showing me where I can do better.
Even if the understanding isn’t intellectual yet, because I feel/ am aware of the frequency, it is healed, and I am convicted in the knowing of my being locking in the lesson ontologically.
There is no regret, no mistake, no haunting disapointment, and I can start over in this moment like nothing ever happened. Because most essentially, I recognize I am before expereince and complete, like the game developer that can take a breath and for a moment recognize it’s just a game.
At the end of the day, I value freedom over experience. Tread relative ups and down lightly for the purpose that they serve: to refine the nuances of clarifying source.