I fear I dont have capacity.

I fear I don’t have the capacity to be the epic being I desire.
I fear that I can’t be that consistent. Or inspired.
That it all slips through my fingers like sand.
And I only have so much power. So much focus. So much bandwidth.
And even if I have super progress for a day, it slips away the next day like a mirage.
And I feel good and normal and capable with a nootropic, but then I can’t sleep and I crash the enxt two days nightmares and all.
And that unless I have someone to work with, I don’t have the focus or capability.

And I fear i don’t fully understand myself.
And I make choices that aren’t in my Highest desire.
I fear I don’t have the intimate relationships I need to understand myself. Express myself. Understand reality more precisely.

I wish I was God fully. And I had full capacity for all I desire. And I could understand myself totally. Completely. Utterly. Instead of floundering around in this pack of point. I could just be the point and get to it more.

I feel like a victim to the universe and my nature.

I do have all capacity desired. Jsut requires some training.