Intense anger and hate toward myself. Frustration fear and hopelessness. I forgot equipment at my last wedding shoot hours away, and I did it again today. So much intense reaction, triggered pain body of thoughts negative and destructive in nature… As if to punish me. As if to emphasize pain and even cause more to make a point.
How in the world can something so toxic still exist within me? I thought I was far beyond this.
I looked at it from every angle and it wouldn’t budge.
And then I walked into the study with my dad, and could feel the love reflected in him that I was craving. Total acceptance, understanding, and unconditional “I’m here with you, we are going to get through this, you are doing great…”
And then I felt the rushing river of profound love for all my struggle and fuck up. It’s so totally OK, and I love deeply myself for all my efforts and mistakes. Ifl feel the frequency of” I love you Claire every inch of you, and only ever want to love and support you, forgive you, be here with you, support you, and bless you with all you desire.”
I bring focus to all the support in my life, from every corner, overwhelms me with even more profound love, nothing short of infinite. Like a beautiful bath in high frequency resonance that utterly heals every last bit of angry, hateful, resistant, and contracted thought form.