I was experiencing so much peace not having to do anything and staying in and I and I’ve been wanting more subtle cutting its connection and to go really fucking deep and I’m just so fucking sick and tired of all these people and all this world and all these fucking activities and it’s just I’m so fucking sick and tired of it and the peace that I was feeling not doing anything was giving me the space that I needed to digest every last pattern and really fucking clarify my desire and clear for my pattern and clarify everything that I need to clarify but even these last two times of bow and Rachel was showing me I can’t fucking have this chaos I can’t fucking have this trauma I can’t fucking it already was kicking up so much fucking trauma and it’s like I already have enough to digest I don’t want this anymore I would be happy to spend several months just by my fucking self and saying fuck you people fuck you activities fuck you leaving the house I just want to be with myself and I just want peace and I just want to digest myself thoroughly and I just want to left alone not have to worry about anything and just digest myself in my own fucking rate I don’t like want these people and activities they’re just kicking up all this shit when I was feeling so much peace I’m very fucking clear that that was what I want and I double checked and then I double checked again and I’m fucking clear I don’t want to go out I don’t want you to take me out I want to be alone I don’t want to talk about dating this other guys I just want to be fucking left alone to digest myself so I can find the peace that I need to clarify my most epic dreams and desires and I just every last fucking pattern of mine so I can heal my back and integrate it totally and fully this is a little bit of a fucking setback okay but it helped me clarify that I need to and want to be totally the fuck alone better for myself to sleep for long to rest for long to digest and process for long for weeks and weeks on end as my back heals and as I reset myself and my newfound desire bow triggered the fuck out of me Rachel triggered the fuck out of me I can’t have that right now I can’t be I want to be left a fucking loan no activities no going out it is so fucking clear
