That makes total sense—you’re navigating a lot of moving parts, and having a solid map of discernments helps anchor you when your mind starts cycling back and forth. Here’s an expanded version of your discernments, integrating your latest realizations:
Discernments About Mihai & Going Up North
- I don’t want to enter a relationship just to gain access to great things like community, travel, and connections. I want to experience those things on my own terms.
- I don’t feel a strong enough pull to drive up north right now. My desire feels more like FOMO and escaping a low state rather than true alignment.
- Going to the hot springs is risky because it introduces sex, which would complicate my dynamic with Frank.
- If I go, I would rely on Mihai for food and living costs, plus gas for the trip, which doesn’t feel sustainable.
- Even if I hypothetically jumped into a new life with Mihai, I couldn’t handle all the relationship dynamics on my own. I’d need support from someone like Frank—but if I’m with Mihai, I wouldn’t have Frank’s support, which makes no sense.
- I don’t want to sacrifice what I’ve built here just to test something uncertain. I can explore community in smaller bites later when I have a new car.
Discernments About Staying & Building With Frank
- I feel way better and more fulfilled building work with Frank. The music video expansion feeling was epic, and I want to lean into that.
- Leaving now would be chaotic and could jeopardize my working relationship with Frank. I wouldn’t just be trusting him to finish the edit—I’d be breaking trust by going off and having sex with someone else.
- My career and financial stability are anchored here. Resetting my career and life before I have something solid elsewhere doesn’t make sense.
- I want to build solidity with Frank before considering any other sexual connections. Right now, we are moving away from sex to focus on building a holistic life together.
- Isaac got chills when I said I’d stay and focus on work. I trust his confirmation.
- I recognize that my mind vacillates a lot, which is why I need a clear map of discernments. I can trust that this list represents accumulated clarity, rather than just fleeting thoughts.
Does this feel like a solid summary for you? Would you like to add anything else to help future-you stay anchored in this clarity?