I do desire to interact with Benthino and beings of his caliber and beyond, but Jonathon says I will know when I am ready when it no longer matters.
So I am experiencing this entirely new perspective and paradigm: that I am my own being carving my own path empowered in myself doing it for myself. Whereas before I was too much invested in needing the group or Benthino in order to do it.
So if I were to summarize that article I wrote from a place of conviction:
I am my own teacher
Carving my own path.
Relating with beings doing the same.
From a place of conviction and power within myself.
It’s tricky…doing it just for myself. It’s so interwoven with a desire to share share share…for the amazingness to be known and shared! How I ride this line of for myself by myself, with others and for others…is my continual exploration.
And so, I re-wrote the article with conviction:
MY DESIRE BEHIND NLS/NST and an Accelerative Collective Counsiousness
I desire to refine the acceleration of counsiousness actualizing source directly with a group of beings that share this intention and can speak to direct experience to catalyze one another and themselves.
To create a super accelerative container that transcends you out of all the other bubble realities of bullshit and inessentialism and clarifies source itself.
To accelerate the integration of unique perspective back and forth to the one. Where every being is committed and applying their will to and from this intention. And I can get reflection upon the nuances of relevant/cutting edge experience and my own relationship to it, as I chisel away at the work to purely merging with God’s desire from within my unique perspective.
I feel now is a critical time to go deeper into refining the nuances of streamlining my willpower and focus to free dive straight into actualizing my destiny as it pertains to giving up normal jobs and building my own business and lifestyle direct with source.
To rewire my reality in accordance with this, see through all assumptions and compensations, on every level and subtlety of my being until all I am coming from and going to is the mission of gods desire.
That all this nearly unbearable beauty of desire is all that I am worthy of and by nature already what I am. Utterly meant for me. Then what action arises from it already being the case?
The following:
That I am free diving myself to my destiny moment by moment. Actualizing purely my calling by forging my own career/calling direct from clarifying what I want most purely. That I am refining the nuances of awareness with a group of high caliber cutting edge beings in a keta and my day to day relationships, ever expanding to more pure and cutting edge sourceful subtle relating….integrating all the perspectives to more profound degrees of awareness.
That we are creating a collective consciousness that can learn faster together, hold the intention stronger as a group field to reflect, purify, empower, and awaken beyond what any one being could do on their own… accomplishing eons worth of work in a matter of years or months that a single being would otherwise take lifetimes to reach.
I feel the growth to be an exponential curve that would otherwise be a slow climbing plateu or dead end circle. I feel it important we as individuals and as a group do the work to be ready for this level of service.
And actually it’s pure source that I’m falling in love with, refining myself to, and that even NLS and Benthino can be another form I am careful not to attach to. That I am my own self sourced entity carving my own frontiers.
It terrifies me and excites me simultaneously… To be that direct and pure. That even the epicness I feel with Benthino’s work is directly mine. It would obliterate the trigger within the epicness, that feels like a desire to be recognized and related to from my amazingness, and rather I could be it purely. Directly. Free diving into this insight with every sour, confined feeling.
That I can do this work myself, for myself, and be my own teacher. And that all else will be given as I desire so long as I am convicted in the essence and I continue taking the steps and let go of the rest. Or rather, I integrate all the rest.
All the seeming not what I wants, are felt and seen through to what I want until I am basking purely in the ever expanding empty full pure free peaceful powerful peaks of resonant being and all that is left is what I desire minus a single contradiction. And I am it. All of it. I am.