Knowing you, It just it feels too unbelievable that you would just leave me hanging like this. Ditch me utterly without any care for me. I just cannot believe it. And every time I do believe it it feels so bad I could just die. Therefore it can’t possibly be true.
And when I let myself imagine that you’re coming from the truth, that you’re doing it for the highest good, and that we will reunite someday, it feels amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I fall even deeper in love with you.
But then I have days where I doubt it and I start falling into the perception of you being a separate person that is mislercieving and disrespecting reality, out to hurt me, to abandon me… . And that feels so scary and bad I could just vomit. Hah.
But what I came to realize, is that it is true you are acting on a perception of reality that rings true to you, and are acting accordingly.
Maybe you are inaccurate, maybe you are accurate…but I know you would tell me why maybe? If you are accurate, then I can trust this separation. Trust that this is the highest good beyond the person. If you are inaccurate, even still, I can trust this separation… Because
Because if you are inaccurately perceiving and making a huge action as harsh and painful as this, then it means the perception that sources my Horrible feelings are accurate… And I would never want to be involved with someone that inaccurately perceives reality in way that feels like those horrible feelings.
But if I can trust that you are acting from an accurate perception Of reality, then those horrible feelings are seen coming from an inaccurate perception. So They resolve. The feelings come with perception of you inaccurately perceiving reality… Basically that u cut it off for improper reasons in an improper way and don’t care about me and our epic dreams and commitment to truth.
Regardless, this dump of shit feelings, worse I have ever felt, are valid. It is true… And I ask you to consider them as critical intel into your own perception and behavior.
You don’t always have accurate perception as far as I can tell….im not sure about ame, or Clint, or kia, or Carlos… Or your desires to hit a driving car or how u say u could kill someone etc….
I could Idealize You as a god with perfect accurate perception sometimes but also I’d be inaccurately perceiving you and your realtivity.
But also seeing you for your essence, and noticing your pure intentions, for as long as I can remember, it’s easy to include and see through your relativity to the point of source/ truth.
And the point is either way I can actually trust the separation of us… On one hand I don’t want to be closely associated with you acting so harshly on inaccurate perceptions… Feels so so bad, and therfore I have peace of the separation. On the other if it is accurate, also and especially I can trust the separation with peace.
Also what I realized that was so mind-blowing, is that it is absolutely true is that we will reunite someday. Even if it’s in a different life/ eventually. In my dreams I imagine being able to reunite with in this life, but I won’t attach to it.
In summary summary, my perceptions that have been so painful, I can now be at peace with them. Because I just thought them through back to the point. I’m meta aware of them. Option a leads to peace of Separation and option b leads to Peace of separation. Both lead to peace of separation… With no more loose ends. Sure, I still don’t get your perception… But getting your perception is not the point, I can meta my Not understanding with a variable, and still Understand the pattern enough to Lead me back to the point of peace. It’s like math right? The point that Even an accurate perception of an inaccurate perception is still an accurate perception and leads to peace.