Do you…
Prefer to do 5 things at once in order for you to feel at peace and be able to listen on what your friend is saying to you? You prefer to stack contexts to feel at peace and focus… And you operate best in a crisis as the eye of the storm?
You work. Better when you. Can bounce between five things and ngs at a time while someone else is. Works NG. With you? Stacking. Contexts…
My nature:
Super absorption states are painful to break, transitions are traumatic
Super work ability is not plannable… Is random
Cannot. Work alone. Need a plug in… A partner/personal assistant/shadow
Sleep varies form 2 am to 7 am depending
Stability and consistency is a joke
Infinite capacity to be any reality suspended in space and time and ride that momentum, so long as it’s not interrupted… Can plug that counsioness in…
Have to start over every morning I wake up. Who am I.. What am I doing.
Have to program transitions.
I am a absoprtive state by default. I scare easily. Distracted. Easily. Focus is. Difficult until I am in super focus mode and being pulled into the black hole.
Executive function is difficult. Chores and objects are extremely draining unless I am running off a high
Do you notice that your Clarity seems to be location dependent? Meaning that depending on where you are and who you’re with you have access to certain insight and capacity to speak and that literally you may have to go back to a certain location to feel into your words and thoughts. It’s not to be bypassed but it’s to be respected.
do you noticed that you have to rotate places and people to keep the energy fresh and that you can’t sleep in the same place hardly ever more than one night in a row.
Do you ever have the experience of someone giving you feedback and it’s like they’re an alien creature with hardly any understanding of your experience? How could it be that someone really has no idea about me and must be living in entirely different existence to suggest such feedback and make such assumptions and how could I possibly ever communicate to them how I am and what my experiences? There’s a loneliness in that that is painful but it’s fine because I get myself I see myself and that is enough.
Forgetful very, spacey, dissociative naturally
That your focus is way in the background rather the foreground, and that focus works best when you don’t try to focus and you are occupied with five other things simultaneously? ( now transformed into super focus that can do one thing at a time while simultaneously holding the big picture and my epic destiny in the background more so… )
Have strikes of productivity till 7am, so creative and alert and insight to infinity… and other days you can’t leave your bed your so dead and out of capacity to Think a single thought? (transformed into on the spot access to source to be productive whenever I want more so of the time, and rest when I want, so that I can schedule productivity toward the accomplishment of my dreams, rather than be at the whim of strikes of lightening.)
That some days you don’t even need to sleep or you’ll sleep like 3 hours and feel amazing another days you need to sleep 15 hours straight. Some days your thoughts will flow perfectly and precisely and you have so much connection to thought and idea, and other days you look at people and you can’t find a single fucking word for shit to express because you’re just empty space.
That actually… The best way you operate in general is from beyond: before feeling, thought, experience, or especially trying… Where you barely perceive a world. Why is it easier to operate from the background when the foreground is preoccupied or in motion? Is why stacking contexts is when I feel myself… The foreground is preoccupied and then I can see myself! (transformed into holding contact with background destiny in all I do as much as possible… stacking context… )
Can’t manage objects easily and organizing can be difficult unless you have a lightening bolt of inspiration that will help you keep maintence? So you wait for it to come to do any chores because otherwise it drains you lifeless/overwhelms your operating system? That executive function mode doesn’t come naturally to you unless there is a crisis? (transformed into having select days to super subtle source myself, and then siphon that into the chores, so that I’m holding my destiny clearly in the background of all my maintenance… Scheduled maintence days… )
That you have to stay on track to people and places that resonant contstantly or else your system shuts down and you lose touch with source connection and a sense of Balanced being, you lose the point? (Transformed into listening to the flow of what I desire and noticing how it goes through phases and cycles. I desire to be alone and source myself with subtle explroation, then I desire to go out and explore the world and be with people. Either way I am convicted I will be ok. That even when it seems like im falling into a depression for lack of connection, I recognize that as a detoxing perceptions of past stories of lack, in the pool of my overarching indestructible being Ness. And even still I am gentle with it as I still recognize the fluctuations of being that I must honor to balance, and forcing schedules is still Difficult, I allow myself to flow.)
Things slip from your mind easily and profound emptiness is your natural state, so you have to carry a notebook around the house even walking from room to room otherwise you perpetually drop into an empty moment where everything dissolves away. Doors are left open, tasks unfinished because you like to jump between things so you don’t lose energy/focus before everything, literally everything, is sucked up into the emptiness. (transformed into a mastermind program. management diagram software system for my life, the ability to hold intentions and execute them without needing to reference, and be whole, complete, and light touch essential in all I do for increased elegant efficiency. Systems… )
Can’t find the power or energy to do something unless you are deeply Connected to why… And ever more meaningful and exciting why’s? And thus you work best in crisis as the eye of the storm. (transformed into always bing in touch with the biggest and most powerful why, and how it connects to the moment, otherwise I take a break to get back in touch with it and romance the fuck out of it)
Have little to no sense of time and space and everywhere you go you drop into a vortex of the moment that exists all on its own, dropping into states of absorption is your superpower, with nothing else and so you cling to maps and notes and your blog of clarifying essays and relationships to remind you who you are, what you are doing, and what else exists outside that moment? And you struggle with being impulsive/spontaneous because all you see is now? (transformed into holding the background bigger picture of ten steps ahead and behind the moment I am in now, so that all is included… More of the time… )
You Change your mind constantly, flipping back and forth between all the various options and perspectives… As is naturally your process of clarification:to fully embrace and Experince all the counter perspectives. That you can’t leave a single stone unturned so that desire is undeniably fully clear.
Find it difficult to keep track of yourself and your progress or any to do list in general without systems to track it all externally for you? And you feel like a new born baby sometimes when you simply walk into each new room or each moment, to some degree? (improving ability to hold overarching desire and intention and flow within my own context)
Your bathroom mirror and bedroom walls are filled with sticky notes and white boards and your computer had twenty or more documents open at once. That you write on your computer constantly and bring it everywhere as a means to process and stay on course, otherwise everything slips back into emptiness? And externalizing it helps? And your life goal is to create better and more efficient systems to externalize your operating system and keep track of all the pieces? (is still the case and yet I am increasing my efficiency of organizing and tracking)
That you can’t make sense of something, or make a decision easily unless you write it all down and see it all externally? And give yourself plenty of time to process it and come to clarity? Like it may take. Days and months to clarity a choice? (transformed into ability to reflect within on the spot and come to clarity, without any writing more so.. And still have blog to reflect and clarify)
That you can get stuck in crevices of nuances that feel off? (am growing in perspective so that the crevices are more easily popped out of, with so many different contexts and systems and relationships available to me to pop me out of the cracks and see through the nuances with increasing efficiency and ability to balance)
Struggle transitioning between focuses, tasks, places, modes of operating? And you prefer to remove all plans and commitments from your schedule and go with your own spontaneous flow? That breaking a super focus mode is worse than nails. On a chalkboard or being pulled from heaven into. Hell? (this is still very difficult and I still experience a lot of resistance switching tasks, and following through with plans… Especially when lightning strikes… Momentum is. Everything )
That you keep friends that are flexible and majority of relationships are ones that you decide when to hang out\reach out, or else go to social events I can come and go as I please…because of the fluctuating nature of my being and the reality that drives me and the struggle I have to be consistent.
Need a clear meditation on how to oreint your focus step by step, why you’re doing it, where to rest your focus, a clear map and context for doing anything otherwise you get lost in the infinity of random perception of anyone moment? And you crave relationships to hold context with you. And you’re entire point is to create contexts that help you hold higher and higher points(am proving ability to dive straight to the point with less priming, ability to be clear in desire consistently and just get to it..)
That you need a context in order to operate and feel connected, whether an external structure or relationship or direction from yourself, that otherwise you dissolve into the void of beyond and everything perceivable gets sucked up into it? (improving in ability to. Hold. Own context for periods of time and be direct to my own passion but is unnatural most. Of time)
Are totally formless naturally, and find yourself sinking back far into the void beyond, in transitions between contexts? Like you are free diving through space?
That you crave relationships and work and an audience in order to feel form?
Need to lean on psycedelics/weed to help reset my perceptions and tap into my God mode map, and see all myself at once, plug into super why source…every few weeks… I call it psycedelic training of perception.
That you tend to take the shape of whatever container/context you are in, or relationship you are reflecting? And you have a tendency to be gullable/manipulated if you do not step away from a conversation to clarify for Yourself what you think…
You. Have capacity to one hundred percent Absorb into any reality and totally lose your reference points, weakness and strength….
And you try to stack contexts as much as possible. More contexts=more reality soaking back=more peace.
That everything starts getting super translucent and beyond unless there is clear substance to the moment, and even if I stick around in something for too long (a house, a convo, a situation) that is lacking a point or an essence that balances me, again I am super sucked into the beyondness and all goes super translucent… And feels so Bad/out of. Balance…
Super exciting stimulating points and compounding them with super focus gives you infinite energy, and unless things are exciting you physically spiritually are paralyzed type of drained, and so you constantly seek exciting new edges.
You dream of stable relationships to Build with, to flow within the context of, to help hold the epic visions you tap into and bring back down to actualize. That you have a certain superpowerNess that just needs the proper relationship to hone in with and channel properly. And your most epic dream is a partnership that can see and understand you nature as it is…and me to his… To every deeper levels of understanding and clarity so that we can be a well oiled machine of getting epic shit accomplished … To compliment each other’s weaknesses and empower our strengths and see through our blindspots. To create a shared meaningful reality that sources and fulfills the fuck out of us. And or actually maybe a community
That you have the power to tap into epic blissful realities that you then try and bring down to this reality with all these other people…seeing epic lucid dreams is your knack…
You shift in and out of various perceptual experiences constantly to the point where nothing feels real and it all is like a dream. (having a more consistent stream of beyondness lately that supercedes the rest…)
That you have a knack for transcending reality and your natural state is that of all perceptions being sucked back into emptiness perpetually and everything is constantly going translucent? Beyondness and transcendence is your superpower?
Were horribly shy as a child and had regular psycedelic experiences as the norm growing up? That in elementary school you could leave your body in the classroom and merge with the trees and blades of grass? And your parents didn’t know What to do with you.
That every day you wake up you start from scratch, it’s a new world, a new self, a new reality, and no one moment is ever the same/it’s all the same? And you have to continually reclarify who you are and what you want and it feels like you are constantly riding the flow of emptiness? (consistent clarifying self Days/God modes help give me clarity I can flow from. I have consistent popping out of The veil days where I get clear downloads of desire and understanding, that I then ride off for the next week or two… But I need to Consistently daily reclarification talks or else my flow is not of my own directive)
That you must vary your days and your life in order to honor the pull of your balance in any one moment? Otherwise you feel drained and utterly out of balance? And you can’t plan it for shit, so most planning is held lightly if not entirely thrown out. 90% of your day and week is spontaneous to what the moment wants and how you feel?
Are so incredibly sensitive that a crumb of any substance or supplement has an effect for days? To the point where even the slightest perception off you can feel painfully so, and thoughts and intentions can shift into vivid visceral experiences? And that you consider yourself a natural walking psychedelic? And that with the proper accumulation of thought and focus you can trigger psychedelic experiences.
You must follow the pull of balance to a tee because otherwise you get dissolved and sucked into the void and feel painful desire to exist, and so you have no choice but to drive around all southern cali seeking dances and relationships and projects of engagement to feel connected and alive and that you exist?
That your flow is interrupted you typically have to let it go and let it come around again?
Typically can’t can’t be creative or insightful on demand without causing an imbalance to the being. You can’t be forced into certain modes and you are at the whim of whatever mode is of the day.
You can’t stand being forced into conversations if your being is desiring something else.
That most human assumptions and paradigms of time, work, relationships, and what they make important, make no sense to you and you exist as an alien amongst these other humans.
They may have labeled you adhd, neurodivergent, “on the spectrum” , depressed, alien, and many other labels for being different and take you to doctors and try to drug you since 4th grade? Of which you had to stop in high school due to the fucked up side effects. Do not drug little children!! For God’s sake…
That you have felt yourself to be Indiana Jones surviving a wild adventure of your reality every single day. Every moment is a perceptual unknown.
You have had the most creative, spontaneous, out of the box lifestyle to manage your nature, comparatively to all the people with schedules, routines, and consistent senses of self.
You feel totally Out of balance, like way too much beyondness and weird lack of connectedness if you do not dance every night or consistently stay in motion. And being in a house too long the imbalance kicks up super bad. (is. Better… But dance helps reset when goes off)
Do you struggle finding clarity and word and thought unless you are speaking to the right person? The sometimes your words won’t flow until finally you have the right audience? Or otherwise sometimes a lot of times your words don’t flow at all unless you can walk and be in motion and then the thoughts start flowing the insights start coming. And sometimes you just have better conversations when you walk rather than sit still?
You have tapped into realms of mystical perspective and bliss that mind and heart fuck you with awe. Waves of epic God mode desire, power, insight and perspective rush through you randomly, but typically not on demand? You wish more than anything to share the epicness you have seen and tasted with others that is so undeniably true? The strikes of Infinity that bring you to utterly ecstacy, the unbelievable visions and superpowers you only wish you Could share and communicate with the rest of these stable normal humans… They have no idea what is possible or what I have seen… Oh how I desire to share this epicness…
You have creative capacities and subtle Nuance of perception to piece things together that is profoundly intelligent given the right context and goal and support.
If so let me know. We should definitely be friends!
My nature is not mine or me. It’s what I’m working with. I don’t identify with it, I don’t buy into labels besides the useful recognition of patterns, and transforming it.
I’m fully aware of my suboptimal behaviors and patterns the scenario of circumstance and things that work that I’ve accumulated over the years. I’m willing to have faith that there is a higher truer more direct path to all that I desire… A total balancing of being on all levels.
These descriptions are what I have noticed, and they are transforming constantly. Even now as I type this, I see so much of what I wrote no longer being the case, and it evolving into more essence and power so that I operate at same capacity and beyond high-level operating beings.
I identify with nothing
I am open to Transforming everything.
I envision a goddess of a woman embodying balance, clarity, and focus, consistently embracing challenges with unwavering willpower. My actions stem from clarified intentions, aligning every thought and behavior with a high-quality, overarching goal. I seek complete mastery over myself, total dominion over my beingness, based on my clarified intentions, transcending suboptimal behaviors and desires. This intention is planted at the causal level, and all the rest falls into place accordingly.