Do you…
Need to focus and do 5 things at once in order for you to feel at peace and be able to listen on what your friend is saying to you? That your focus is way in the background rather the foreground, and that focus works best when you don’t try to focus and you are occupied with five other things simultaneously? ( now transformed into super focus that can do one thing at a time while simultaneously holding the big picture and my epic destiny in the background)
Have strikes of productivity till 7am and other days you can’t leave your bed? (transformed into on the spot access to source to be productive whenever I want, and rest when I want, so that I can schedule productivity toward the accomplishment of my dreams, rather than be at the whim of strikes of lightening.)
That actually… The best way you operate in general is from beyond: before feeling, thought, experience, or especially trying. Why is it easier to operate from the background when the foreground is preoccupied or in motion? (transformed into holding contact with background destiny in all I do as much as possible)
Can’t manage objects easily and it’s a shit show mess often unless you have a lightening bolt of inspiration that will help you keep maintence? So you wait for it to come to do any chores because otherwise it drains you lifeless/overwhelms your operating system? That executive function mode doesn’t come naturally to you? (transformed into having select days to super subtle source myself, and then siphon that into the chores, so that I’m holding my destiny clearly in the background of all my maintenance)
That you have to stay on track to people and places that resonant contstantly or else your system shuts down and you lose all source connection? (Transformed into listening to the flow of what I desire and noticing how it goes through phases and cycles. I desire to be alone and source myself with subtle explroation, then I desire to go out and explore the world and be with people. Either way I am convicted I will be ok. That even when it seems like im falling into a depression for lack of connection, I recognize that as a detoxing perceptions of past stories of lack, in the pool of my overarching indestructible beingness.)
Things slip from your mind easily and profound emptiness is your natural state, so you have to carry a notebook around the house even walking from room to room otherwise you perpetually drop into an empty moment where everything dissolves away. Doors are left open, tasks unfinished because you like to jump between things so you don’t lose source energy before everything, literally everything, is sucked up into the emptiness. (transformed into a mastermind program. management diagram software system for my life, the ability to hold intentions and execute them without needing to reference, and be whole, complete, and light touch essential in all I do for increased elegant efficiency)
Can’t find the power or energy to do something unless you are deeply Connected to why… And ever more meaningful and exciting why’s?
And thus you work best in crisis as the eye of the storm. (transformed into always bing in touch with the biggest and most powerful why, and how it connects to the moment, otherwise I take a break to get back in touch with it)
Have little to no sense of time and space and everywhere you go you drop into a vortex of the moment that exists all on its own with nothing else and so you cling desperately to maps and notes to remind you who you are, what you are doing, and what else exists outside that moment? And you struggle with being impulsive/spontaneous because all you see is now? (transformed into holding the background bigger picture of ten steps ahead and behind the moment I am in now, so that all is included)
Find it impossible to keep track of yourself and your progress or any to do list in general without systems to track it all externally for you? (this is true, hence my blog and my software program management systems externalizing it for me)
Your bathroom mirror and bedroom walls are filled with sticky notes and your computer had twenty or more documents open at once. That you write on your computer constantly and bring it everywhere? And your life goal is to create better and more efficient systems to externalize your operating system and keep rack of all the pieces? (is still the case and yet I am increasing my efficiency of organizing and tracking)
That you can’t make sense of something, or make a decision easily unless you write it all down and see it all externally? (transformed into ability to reflect within on the spot and come to clarity, without any writing)
That you get stuck in crevices of perception easily? (am growing in perspective so that the crevices are more easily popped out of, with so many different contexts and systems and relationships available to me to pop me out of the cracks)
Struggle transitioning between focuses, tasks, places, modes of operating? And you prefer to remove all plans and commitments from your schedule and go with your own crazy spontaneous flow? (this is still very difficult and I still experience a lot of resistance switching tasks, and following through with plans)
That you keep friends that are flexible and majority of relationships are ones that you decide when to hang out\reach out, or else go to social events I can come and go as I please.
Need a clear meditation on how to oreint your focus step by step, why you’re doing it, where to rest your focus, a clear map and context for doing anything otherwise you get lost in the infinity of random perception of anyone moment?
That you need a context in order to operate and feel connected, whether an external structure or relationship or direction from yourself, that otherwise you dissolve into the void of beyond and everything perceivable gets sucked up into it?
Are totally formless naturally, and find yourself sinking back toi far into the void beyond, in transitions between contexts? That you crave relationships and work and an audience in order to feel form?
That you take the shape of whatever container/context you are in, or relationship you are reflecting? And you try to stack contexts as much as possible. More contexts=more reality soaking back=more peace
That you have the power to tap into epic blissful realities that you then try and bring down to this reality with all these other people.
That you have a knack for transcending reality and your natural state is that of all perceptions being sucked back into emptiness perpetually and everything is constantly going translucent? Beyondness is your superpower?
Were horribly shy as a child and had regular psycedelic experiences as the norm growing up? That in elementary school you could leave your body in the classroom and merge with the trees and blades of grass?
That every day you wake up you start from scratch, it’s a new world, a new self, a new reality, and no one moment is ever the same/it’s all the same?
That you must vary your days and your life in order to honor the pull of desire in any one moment? And you can’t contain it for shit, so most planning is held lightly if not entirely thrown out. 90% of your day and week is spontaneous to what the moment wants?
Are so incredibly sensitive that a crumb of any substance or supplement has an effect for days? To the point where even the slightest perception off you can feel painfully so, and thoughts and intentions can shift into vivid visceral experiences? And that you consider yourself a natural walking psycedelic?
You must follow the pull of source to a tee because otherwise you get dissolved and sucked into the void and feel painful desire to exist, and so you have no choice but to drive around all southern cali seeking dances and relationships and projects of God’s desire to feel connected and alive?
That your flow is interrupted you typically have to let it go and let it come around again? Typically can’t can’t be creative or insightful on demand without causing an imbalance to the being.
That most human assumptions and paradigms of time, work, relationships, and what they make important, make no sense to you and you exist as an alien amongst these other humans.
They may have labeled you adhd, neurodivergent, “on the spectrum” , depressed, and many other labels for being different and try to drug you since 4th grade?
That you feel yourself to be Indiana Jones surviving a wild adventure of your reality every single day. Every moment is a perceptual unknown.
You have the most creative, spontaneous, out of the box lifestyle to manage your nature, comparatively to all the people with schedules, routines, and consistent senses of self.
You have tapped into realms of mystical perspective and bliss that mind and heart fuck you with awe. Waves of epic God mode desire, power, insight and perspective rush through you randomly, but typically not on demand? You wish more than anything to share the epicness you have seen and tasted with others?
If so let me know. We should definitely be friends! Maybe this is essentially what everyone experiences on some level.
My nature is not mine or me. It’s what I’m working with. I don’t identify with it, I don’t buy into labels besides the useful recognition of patterns, and transforming it. These descriptions are what I have noticed, and they are transforming constantly. Even now as I type this, I see so much of what I wrote no longer being the case, and it evolving into more essence so that I operate at same capacity and beyond high-level operating beings