I’ve been having weird psychedelic experinces on the regular (without psychedelics) that worry me. It’s gotten weirder in the last couple months and my natural state is not like anything I remember it being like. I don’t remember my experince ever being like this consistently. So transparent and beyond…
I’m not sure if this is my new natural state, if I have superpowers, or if my brain is messed up or what but it’s been weird.
I feel constantly beyond.
And even when I rest in a context or a feeling for a little bit, I end up floating beyond it. I’m perpetually purifying everything that arises back to nothing. going beyond beyond beyond. Naturally. Without me trying.
It’s very strange.
Sometimes if I don’t find a context I go so far beyond I lose existence entirely and I’m in total nothing. I feel nothing and I am not in my body. Holding on to existence by a string.
Why is this happening?
Everything feels very transparent. Nothing has any solidity.
It’s like I pierced a hole in reality and I’m just barely watching everything happen but I cant actually see it or touch it. I’m beyond it. It doesn’t exist.
And when lights move on the floor I feel like the whole world is moving and i freak out. I have no sense of being in my body. I am whatever is the focus. I am floating awareness with nothing to contain me but a subtle sense of me doing something. But even that barely exists. It’s like I’m perpetually sleep walking.
It feels like I’m a balloon that keeps floating to the ceiling with nothing to hold me down.
Total space.
No differentiation.
Everything is one soup.
Nothing feels real or solid.
Like a never ending lucid dream.
I feel no fear. Nothing is real.
I don’t understand why this has been happening and why it gets so intense.
I need to consult someone that knows about these things. Very few people will get what I’m trying to convey is happening. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experinced. Day after day. And I’m on nothing.