In my peak amazing insights and states of being I feel a trigger, like a blockage to the amazing, an unrealized desire to share it and expand upon it with Benthino and like beings. And how cutting edge and exponentially sourceful it could be if he could do this with me actually directly relationally. Realtively speaking, the trigger is a misperception that all this is not the case, and that my amazingness is not recognized because I’m not in nst. Almost like a blockage to the amazing. I realize it’s a misperception to clarify.
On the most essential level, I experience peaks of resonance with sharp pain that seems to block the resonance.
And so long as I am believing the story, it is painful. that I’m almost afraid to feel amazing it is so painful.. it’s a magnificent desire I am not fully realizing.
the painful belief: That I need benthino to refine an epic path into actualizing the absolute with me. More speficially I needed to be a part of this training group to do it.
Now allow me to come from the end, that all my painful misperceptions are not true in and of themselves but rather contain essence of all I desire. So now I peel it apart with my awareness: feeling the pain without story actually isn’t enough to fully realize the essence of the desire. Too many straggler perspectives, subtle nuance of being, that need to be addressed. Rather I peel apart the beliefs one by one and feel them from what I want. I allow myself to believe the story… with a background of not believing, until the nuance of essence behind each perspective is realized, and I let go of the forms I’m attaching to naturally.
I desire to refine counsiousness’s acceleration and expansion of actualizing source directly with a group of beings that share this intention and can speak to direct experience to catalyze one another and themselves. To create a super accelerative container that transcends you out of all the other bubble realities of bullshit and inessentialism and clarifies source itself. To accelerate the integration of unique perspective back and forth to the one. Where every being is one hundred percent committed and applying their will to and from this intention. And I can get reflection upon the nuances of experience that are most relevant/cutting edge as I chisel away at the work to purely merging with God’s desire from within my unique perspective.
That I want that with Benthino, because he is the epitome of the epicness I desire to refine to and from. And I wanted it now as I get to work forging my own career crafting essence videos of entrepreneurs and CEOs clarifying their calling to potential clients and customers. That I felt now was a critical time to go deeper into refining the nuances of streamlining my willpower and focus to free dive straight into actualizing my destiny as it pertains to giving up normal jobs and building my own business and lifestyle direct with source. To rewire my reality in accordance with this on every level and subtlety of my being until all I am coming from and going to is the mission of gods desire.
That I want to create and refine more containers like this and facilitate them in time, as the expression of my desire to share all this amazingness and experience it. Make it actual.
But what if the essence of this desire is in each of the beliefs and already the case? The trigger is transformed yes? And what if Benthino is not actually out there as someone I need recognition from? And what if it’s only me? And only ever been me? And it’s also him? What if I have his essence and could let go of his form and start recognizing myself directly, less need out there? How does that feel? Incredible. Utter and total application of his work to the point of transcending Benthino himself (transcending as in inclusion to beyond). Then what action arises from it already being the case?
The following:
That I am free Diving myself to my destiny. Actualizing purely my calling by forging my own career. That I am refining the nuances of awareness with a group of cutting edge beings in my Keta and my day to day relationships. And will continue to expand upon that as times goes on. And that I am actually still doing this alongside Benthino and am actively engaging Nls and can engage more so in time as feels right. That Benthino will know and see my epicness essentially since it is also his. And that more practically is it likely he will actually interact with me if relevant but I’m not attached to that even.
Well I say that but I still feel the pain of a trigger there. And triggers are basically unrealized desires from what I already am. Essentially I do desire interaction and commaradie, and I respect the essence of this desire as done too. I desire him to see his beauty love and epicness in me. So bad do I, as I feel the profundinty of his love to utter absolute and feel drawn to reciprocate and expand it. Because he has been so intimately catalytic to my transformation and awakening and is rooted deeply into the infinite love of my being. He has been there with me directly in all the mind and heart fucks to source and back. But what if it’s actually pure source that I’m falling in love with and he is another form to release? Oh God it terrifies me and excites me simultaneously… To be that direct and pure that I could release Benthinos form. That his epicness is directly mine. It would obliterate the trigger within the epicness, I could be it purely, if I free dived into this insight with every negative belief. Also it magnifies the desire to be it and share it. The point is, it’s fucking amazing!!!
That I can do this work myself, for myself, and be my own teacher. And that all else will be given as I desire so long as I am convicted in the essence and I continue taking the steps and let go of the rest. Or rather, I integrate all the rest. All the seeming not what I wants, are felt and seen through to what I want until I am basking purely in the ever expanding empty full pure free peaceful powerful peaks of resonant being and all that is left is what I desire minus a single contradiction. And I am it. All of it. I am.